I did dumb things in spirit of the dumb holiday.

Gads, I've neglected this space. I guess I haven't had the heart and mind lately? The weekend was up and down. I went to the closing performances of Sketchfest and saw Reid Along With Browning and KasperHauser from San Francisco. Then I went to the afterparty and earned an admirer.

He's very young for a 26 year old, which seems to be old, age-wise. At least for me, a coug in training.

But it turns out he's a homophobe and I can't abide that, no matter how cute you are, or how incredible in bed. It's not worth enduring someone who is unkind.

So instead of spending Valentine's Day with the homophobe, I spent it with Uncle B and White Noise Boy. And I got horrifically drunk. And I spent the night. This time I didn't say no.

He asked me what I thought of his girlfriend when I told him I accidentally met her. And be damned if I was as honest as pie. He accused me of being jealous, but didn't pursue the matter. I countered with "I don't know her, so I can't judge. All I can say is that she has an annoying laugh, and seemed none too bright". She was probably on mushrooms or something when I met her, which is fine, and yes there is an element of jealousy in there, which I owned by saying "I hate that she is with you and I am not."

I wouldn't sleep in a sleeping bag on the futon, so he enfolded me in his arms and we slept (god I hate this simile) like spoons, and in the morning I didn't want to go, and he didn't want me to go. So I didn't, and we snugged and talked and snugged more. He rubbed my neck, and I rubbed his neck. I made him beef tacos in the middle of the night. He laid on the bathroom floor while I showered. White noise, boy. I haven't felt that happy and in the right place for, what, 2 years? Since we split up?

But of course, the day is over, and the moment has passed and he is still with his girlfriend and I am still with myself, and things are as they were on the 13th of February. It was a small blip in the fabric of continuity. Reality was suspended and I imagined it was the right dimension. I'm a fool.

The unnerving part is that we were, GASP, discovered. His roommate put on my coat by accident while running out to work, and realized it wasn't his when he felt the faux-fur trim on the hood. He also then saw my purse on the table. He felt bad because WNB's "girlfriend is really nice" and that he had "always thought there was something funny with those two (meaning WNB and me)". But what he doesn't know, and basically no-one else, is that we had a relationship. So I look like the stealer, and the loose-moraled woman. Oh maybe I am. But his girlfriend shouldn't be threatened, I'm just a sore loser.

Too much socializing, not enough essay writing. That's the real problem, the root of all evil. If I just stayed in and wrote essays, I wouldn't get into these messes. Right?

Right.

"You shut your mouth! How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else."

The Smiths - "How Soon Is Now"