I made candied yams and apparently they went over very well.

I also spent the evening chitchatting with the cute new bartender from work. I guess he's not new anymore, it's been five months, but he's new in the grand scheme of my six years. He's not interested in me, I'm certain, but we still got on like stink and had great conversation. Plenty in common, though I think he thinks I'm slightly on the stupid side, but that's ok because I know he's wrong.

It feels weird conversing with someone for hours knowing you're attracted to them, and they aren't in the least bit attracted to you. OH, he smokes anyway.

Here's the question: would I be able to go through with it if he asked me out? Well, yeah ok. What about if he kissed me? Well, yeah maybe, but what if it went further, what if he wanted to see me again? Would I panic? Would I sabotage it? Would I sabotage it for the gaffer's sake?

You know what... after thinking about it. No, I wouldn't. After the gaffer's little get together escapade on Thursday, I feel ready to extricate myself. I don't deserve that.

He's been away for the weekend, and he's coming back today. In a way, I don't want him to. I miss him so so much, but he's not here in town for me to miss more. I miss him more when he's five minutes away.

When he comes back, he'll call me, we'll hang out, I'll get sucked back into things again. On some level I wish he would stay gone. I'll get my wish in January when he moves to Whistler. And January seems so far from now.