I was thinking about it in Philosophy class today, not actually listening to the lecture, unfortunately, because it was a good one. What got me thinking was the discussion of atoms and molecules and how they're not visible to everyone, which got me thinking a bit about quantum mechanics and the things that exist and theoretically exist, and how things move around the sun the way that protons move around whatever it is they move around, the atom?

Which got me thinking about just where in the hell ARE we? What is this thing, the universe in which we exist? The easy way out is to say God. God made it, that's what.

But that's just an excuse, it's not thinking. It's regurgitation.

I don't think it's God. God has to exist somewhere too, if there is one. So I tried to imagine it, imagine things, where we are, what this thing called the universe exists in, I mean, it has to be somewhere too, and all I could think of was this:

We're the protons. We're the quantum particles. We inhabit the things that make the things that make the things that make the cells that make a body, or a plant, or the things that make rocks and water. And the things we inhabit, they inhabit the universe that makes up the things that make up the things that make the same things. Similarly, we are made up of the things that are made of the things that are made of other 'us's. It goes endlessly in either direction. Smaller and smaller and smaller, and bigger and bigger and bigger.

A bit like if you take a video of yourself holding the monitor. There are endless images of you inside of each tv until they're too small. The only way that analogy falls apart is that eventually, there is a camera, the first camera, and in reality, I'm not so sure there is an original camera.

So if our universe is the particle within a particle within a particle, is each partical expanding at such a rate that eventually it will collapse? Do they do this? Quantum physicists, tell me. What happens to the protons and electrons and things, do they just go on forever? What energies do they change into? What happens when they die?

So when our universe is finished expanding and being where it is, what happens to it? It's been here for so long, and it can only be here for so much longer, really.

I don't want to be here, I want to know these things, and once again I find myself limited by this body, by this human existence, with the ability to imagine the things that are so much bigger than us, and further and wider, and no ability to do anything about it but burst into tears from being utterly overwhelmed.

And I am overwhelmed, and I am overcome.