I'm waiting patiently (not at all) for my grades to come in. I'm packing my house up.

I've already thrown away four bags of garbage. I am throwing shit OUT. I guess the question is:

"Do I want to move this? Am I REALLY going to use it?"

I had another badspell last night about hotness. I went to watch the play version of "Closer" last night, and I like the play. One of the three actors was VERY good, and he was also the only one with a real accent. The other three were all right in moments, but for the most part struggled. The other guy was fairly awful. Anyway.

I just see the way guys go gaga for hotness and how they don't go gaga for me, and it's not that I want hordes of men to love me, it's that I feel so damned inferior, like my intelligence is nothing to go gaga for.

Maybe there are fellows that go gaga for my brains, but they're usually either very quiet about it, or are not attractive to me for some shallow reason or another. It really is a wonder anyone finds anyone in this soup.

I still feel like I will not have the kind of relationship that I see happening around me. I feel that I will, for the rest of my life, have short, mostly meaningless involvements that will drive me crazy, drive them crazy or just all around suck at the end.

Lonliness is brutal. And here I am moving to an apartment on my own for the real first time in ohhhh, say, 5 years? More?

I'm going to have a rough patch soon.

I'm going back to bed.