I yelled at Wolf (who you don't know yet, and probably never will) a little too, and railed that I want something real for once, instead of all this pretend, I wish, would it be nice, bullshit.

Every male interaction I've had in the last year has come to this kind of thing. Me getting angry, feeling shit, lashing out, making it impossible to be friends (which is fine, friendship is not necessarily the way to go) and sabotaging everything.

It's gotta be something wrong with me.

I'm going to the beach to be by myself, read, and listen to the waves. I should stop seeing men altogether for a while. Stop entirely.

Just hermit. Take a break.

I was so bad this morning I'm considering anti-depressants again. And those mess me up good. I've also been doing that overeating thing I do when I'm really upset. Like obsessive. I'm not hungry, I'm FULL, and I still put food in my mouth. It's pretty dangerous.

Beach. Now. I need to be naked with myself.