Here it comes.

First off, we have the crunchie bar.


There are actually two methods with the Crunchie bar. Methond One: you must nip the chocolate coating off the very front of the bar exposing the honey spongy interior. Then, wet your tongue significantly and apply it to the sponge, which should melt into a sugary syrup from within the chocolate encasement. Once you've melted a significant portion of the innards, you then eat the chocolate from the surrounding area until you have exposed more sponge. Repeat until you have finished the bar. (note - your tongue will become raw from the melting process, but this is part of the experience. Allow the bubbles in the sponge to momentarily suction your tongue to the surrounding matter before it melts as well.)

Method Two: the opposite of method one. Eat away all the chocolate from about a half inch of the sponge, then melt the sponge. Bascially a chicken or the egg thing.

Next, we have the glorious twix.

The twix comes in a twosome. Preferably, eat it alone so you don't have to share. This is one of the few chocolate bars you can eat straight through, bite for bite. But if you insist on method chocolate eating, I suggest eating the cookie layer first, leaving the best part, the caramel (or peanut butter, depending on the flavour twix you selected) layer for last. You would eat the chocolate on the bottom half WITH the cookie layer. Milk is often required with a twix.

Finally, for today, we have the kitkat.

This is also a layered chocolate bar, but you don't have to pull a coffee crisp. Instead, break off one of the sticks and nibble the chocolate rim off. There is always a rim left when you separate the bars. If you are unlucky and break it off leaving the rim still attached to the original slab, then nibble the chocolate off the other side to match, effectively shaving the sides of the bar clean of chocolate, leaving the top and bottom. You may then, and ONLY then, proceed with the forward eating motion, or if preferred, layer by layer wafer removal. Milk is not required with kitkat, though I suggest purchasing a king size, as four scrawny bars are never quite enough.

Happy chocolate bar-ing!