Some good news.

my final grades:
English A-
Latin A
Philosophy A-

The website explaning what each letter grade means says, "For consistently distinguished accomplishment in examinations, reports, and class participation."

I'm so fucking brilliant.

Enough about me, let's talk about me.

I've spent the weekend with the parents of my exboyfriend. They're now good friends of mine independantly from my ex, whom I never see or speak with. They even paid for this trip without my knowledge as a Christmas present for me. I love them dearly, and spending time with them reminds me how much I loved their son dearly.

Those of you may or may not remember, but a little over 2 years ago, he and I were living together, and had been living together for 2 years, and all told had been together for nearly three years. One night, after about two weeks of things being strange, he up and dumped me, out of the blue.

His reasons were thus:
"I don't want a girlfriend anymore"
"I think I'm a sociopath"

It seemed kinda clear that he panicked, but he was very cold and cruel about it, and I was devastated, as were his parents.

The kicker was, two months later he had a new girlfriend.

So I was angry, as you probably can tell, and I wrote him off. I started dating someone the following summer, and that's when he came back to me telling me he made a mistake and he wanted back into my life.

I was still angry, I was enjoying this new relationship (which only lasted about 2 months) so I said no. Now he has a new girlfriend who he seems mighty content with, and I cared a little about that.

Now, I care a lot. I don't know how long that caring a lot will last, but here and now, on this trip with his parents and sister, I care a lot a lot, and I miss him a lot a lot, and I feel really really fucking sad and angry that things went the way they did.

I guess it's hard to get over these things. I don't get over situations where I feel there is injustice. That things were not resolved. And that happens so often with me.

Just another example of how I just can't seem to let go of things. I will feel better when I get home, but being on holiday with two couples and a little girl, I am feeling my one-ness (read aloneness) and missing my little girl/boy that I never had.

How things can hurt, it seems forever.

Whine whine whine.

I read somewhere, oh it was the year-long forecast for geminis, that geminis are always looking for their other half, their twin.

That made me cry, isn't that pathetic? But I realized how forelorn that sounded. That those born under the gemini sign will forever feel incomplete unless they find their twin.

A lifelong search.