I struggle so much with my negative thoughts. It's difficult in this day/age/society to accept yourself as you're made. Were taught by advertisements from day one that we are incomplete without this product or that thing, you're not good enough unless you're using this cream or taking that pill or going on this holiday or wearing these clothes or taking these diet supplements or weight this much or that much.

We're trained to feel unfinished.

So when I make plans to go for sushi with a guy that clearly likes "hot, fit" women, suddenly I panic and feel four thousand pounds heavier than I am.

Maybe that's just an indication that this guy is not right for me, if all I feel is inadequate.

So the trick is to say, fuck it, I am what I am, and I want to go for sushi and if he wants to join me, he is most welcome. It makes no difference to the enjoyment of sushi if I happen to be 5'5 and 175 pounds. Or maybe it makes no difference to my enjoyment of the sushi?

I guess because it's not just sushi. It's more than that. It's an interview to see if we want to go for sushi again. Or maybe drinks and then dinner. Or maybe on more dates. It's an interview to see if you want to keep seeing a person.

But if I go back to my original idea, perhaps this is not someone I want to go on more dates with, or see, because I don't feel at ease with him. Keep in mind that the one person I did feel 100% comfortable with crushed me to smithereens.

He's an Aries, and now I'm beginning to prejudge, thinking he's going to be just like old jackrabbit. Superficial, selfish and crazy. And this new guy is indeed crazy.

I need to be Walt. "I celebrate myself, and what I assume, you shall assume, for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."

I am in need of a self-pep talk, and here it is. I am me, I am what I am, and I can make small adjustments, sure, but on the whole, this is going to be the me for the rest of the time that me will be around. So stop apologizing for it, stop feeling like you are the inadequate one for not living up to an artificial standard imposed by those who are simply out for our money. Stop it. Just stop it.

If they are the right people to date, they'll want to date you. So really I have to stop thinking that all men are dateable, they really aren't. (I should qualify that with all single straight men).

I need to narrow my focus more. I am not a bikini on a motorbike, I am a bookbag on a bicycle.

Aren't we all looking for better versions of ourselves?