And that's to keep my mind from the feeling that I am completely alone right now.

I miss too many people.

I had a chat to myself, and maybe someone who might be listening in the ether, in my car today. If I have to go through my life alone like this, I don't want to. I couldn't bear it. I can hardly bear it now.

I go to bed by myself, I wake up by myself. I cook for myself. I watch movies by myself.

I'm not made to be alone. Not me. Not with this huge capacity to feel.

I feel constantly sick.

Constantly sick.