Wednesday, Oct. 12, 2005 - 1:43 p.m.
what a drag

I think part of why I'm afraid to leave him to his own devices is that I'm afraid he'll go back to his ex.

She clearly regrets what she did. He is aware of this. He's still mad, so won't go back. But what happens when he stops being mad? He said he holds grudges, but for how long?

Anyway, my point with this was this: if he goes back to her, then that's what he's going to do, and he would have done it whether or not you were around.

I don't need to relive Cameron. Not at all. There's major damage in here somewhere caused by the Cameron situation and though I got through it the last time, I doubt I could do it a second time.

I also find, now, that when I contemplate another involvement with someone, the next one, I no longer feel I want to.

I know I said the other that I could see someone new. But I've backtracked. The idea is repellant.

Here I go, back to working on myself, learning to be better and getting myself into a place where I don't cry everyday, don't despise my body every day, don't want to crawl back into my skin and implode.


ne gallum quidem...

old fish - red fish? blue fish? - new fish