Just clear demonstration of the fact that I am in constant emotional pain, all day, every day, and I spend most of my energy trying to manage with all this pain.

If I let my guard down for a second, the tears come, the belly tightens and I sob uncontrollably. There are people out there who would scoff at this, tell me I should just get over things etc etc.

This stuff is stored up from day one. I have been hauling this around with me since I was 10.

I knew about this. I've talked about it before, how I build a wall against this sadness and that it overwhelms me at times.

I just do what I can to cope so that I can function. I want to cry more. I should cry more. I already cry a ton. It's exhausting upholding normalcy. I'm tired. No wonder I want to die most of the time.

I'm supposed to write a poem today about love. I can't write when I have an assignment like that. Not that kind of writing, anyway.

I went for a run after the session. It felt good to sweat and pound for a little bit, if only 25 minutes. That's enough to get the blood going a little bit.

I guess I'm off to a good start. But I'm impatient.