Thanks.

I spent some time with a friend who's marriage just ended(in my opinion, a good thing, his wife was HORRIBLE). Here's me in all my "world revolves aroundme" glory. He was telling be about a sweet and lovely girlfriend he had long before his wife who broke his heart when she dumped him. They are in touch again, and he has nothing but praise for her. Which is wonderful, because it turns out she is also a friend of mine. Not the kind of friend I spend loads of time with, but someone I like very much and when we see each other, we're genuinely happy to say hello.

Anyway. It got me thinking again about what I was thinking the other day. Perhaps I am unable to form those kinds of sweet, wonderful relationships with people. I don't let people get close enough. I just run my mouth off.

Blah blah blah.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm so afraid, of everything to do with relationships with people. I'm so afraid that when they get to know me, they won't like me anymore. That seems to be what has happened so many times before.

I'm so tired of feeling needy for love. I'm so tired of feeling needy. I hate it, I feel pathetic. I am so tired of wanting what other people have. I wish I could learn to not even notice what I lack in comparison. Why do I compare? How do I stop?

I don't know. All I know is that I'm a mess and no wonder I'm perpetually alone. Who wants to take on a mess this big?