I bailed on tonight. I bailed on taking him to the airport tomorrow too.

I'm being thoroughly selfish about this one. I don't think I can handle taking him to the airport, and him thinking about nothing but his ex-girlfriend and leaving me feeling like second fiddle.

Oh fuck, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I want to be there for him etc, and help him out, but at the same time, all I've done today is cry and feel awful.

I was supposed to go to the track with him tonight, but he wanted some time to himself without me, which hurt so so much.

He wanted to see me after, but when I had some time to think all about it, I felt like it would be pretty painful to see him, after all. I don't want to stand there at the airport, invisible.

So instead I choose to be alone, and now I'm going to wallow even worse than I was before.

I feel so sick. I think I'm going to be sick.