I just returned Ground Floor's book without reading it. He was home playing video games.

I meant it as an expression of my not wanting to be friends with him after all. The last time I talked to him was last thursday, a week ago. We made dinner, it was cool. Then I called sunday to see if he wanted to go to breakfast. He never called me back, nothing. I just don't need that shit.

Wondering if he really is my friend or not. So I chose it for him. NOT.

Anyway, I guess I'm a little steamed.

And then I woke up his neighbour. He looked pissed. He walked off on me. That whole thing was just a huge disaster. I am looking forward to the day when I forget all about it.

I feel like crying. Why am I so sensitive? He should be upset, he's the asshole, but of course I look like the freak because I feel humiliated and they just write me off as a spazzy freak.

It's so frustrating.

And now it's dawning on me that I have three auditions on Saturday, none of which I've even read the sides for. I have to choose the short story I want to adapt by tomorrow. There is a guy coming in for the weekend I'm hanging out with that flirts with me incessantly, but I think he has a girlfriend, and I'm scared he's going to try to put the moves on me, and I'm more scared that I won't be able to say no, which is what I WANT to do.

AND I ate maltitol today, which gave me NASTY gas. And I have a zit.

I feel awful. Really awful. Sorry about all the whining. Seriously, lately, it's this feeling that I want to up and get the hell out of here. Just go.

"History repeats itself.
I didn't learn, I wouldn't listen.
I couldn't see the books were on the shelf.
For my good sense, I never missed 'em

I've turned away in myself
I can't find anything that's real
But history repeats itself"

- Natural Born Killers sountrack, A.O.S.