Other men are other men, and lovely in their own rights. I met one, we played, and I enjoyed it, but this morning (and secretly during) all I could think about was how he's not the Gaffer, and how he pales in comparison to the light and liveliness of the Gaffer. There was no morning silliness talking, no squish.

I can't remember if this is the first time I've experienced this so strongly. Usually when I get the opportunity to move on and focus elsewhere, I can take it, I want the attention, I like it, it distracts me. But that's twice now that I've had the distraction opportunity and twice now that all I could think about was how they are not him.

They're affectionate, that's not the problem. Both were very affectionate, moreso than I wanted, maybe. But there's a quality to the Gaffer that they are missing.

I'll say it again.

Neither of them have had his light, his humour, his mind working overtime, at least out loud. He really is the best.

I usually lean towards slender guys. This one is extremely thin. Not for lack of eating, but rather a seriously overactive metabolism. He's 26. He's very beautiful - big light eyes fringed by long dark lashes, full mouth and nice teeth. Tall. Fairly smart. Yet I'm being unfair. But I can't keep sending new men away because an old one has my heart at the moment.

Really, I should send them all away and be with myself, but a girl need ta gets laid once in a while, you know? Haha. Naw. This one's lovely. I need a nickname for him. TO? He's from Toronto. Fresh from Toronto, like January from Toronto.

I'll call him TO. Who knows if he'll stick around. It doesn't actually matter much to me at this point, I guess I'm being callous but he's mostly entertainment. And he's not the Gaffer.

I do believe I love that boy. What a terrible thing.