These are the things I did in my lonely evening in a kind of hopeful preparation:

I turned on the fireplace to heat up the living room. I turned on the heat in my room because I know how cold he gets. I washed all my sheets and my duvet cover in the new washing soap I bought. I swept the floor. I took a bath and clipped my toenails. I scrubbed my feet and moisturized them so they'd be all soft and stuff. I painted my toenails (they were in need of this regardless). I planned to make him breakfast. I did the dishes. I cleaned up my bedroom floor and did some other laundry.

A lot of this stuff was for myself but I did it all in one day because I had the notion he would be here tonight.

But his shooting went past the finish time, and he didn't get finished until 12:30 or so, so he didn't get home until 1:15. He called me anyway to let me know he wasn't dead etc. But he didn't come because he wants to sleep (which is what we'd be doing here, by the way) and he has a really early morning.

I understand that. It's not unreasonable. I'm just disappointed, I was really looking forward to seeing him and really needing his company after the really quiet afternoon and evening I had. It's my own fault for placing too much on it. Ok so I lied. I did have my hopes up.

The shit part is that I'll do it again.