We're still good. Things are weird, and we're both pretty lost and confused, but the best part is that we're not lost and confused about the part where we know that on some deep level we really like each other.

It's a mad world, and I can only stay me, and stay constant and unconditional. And maybe then good things will come to me.

In the meantime, I flirt with the bartender at work, the one with the white-blond eyebrows, and think about Fleet talking about my cats in a weird english accent.

I've been playing TONS of Diablo II lately. Killing little kobolds and skeletons makes me feel better. Takes my mind off things, and lets me get out some agression that's stored up.

I bailed on a barbecue tonight to come home and be by myself. I just didn't show up and I feel bad about it. But really, I have to live my life according to what makes me feel ok.

I need to feel ok right now.

But I feel back in some kind of control. Feeling out of control is the most terrifying thing for me. I am out of the terror for now and most of my day is spent smiling.

"Goooooood feeeeeeeeeeeeling won't you stay with me, just a little looooongerrrrrr"

You know, the Violent Femmes.