But then I spent more money. And that was stupid considering I realized the other day that I'm kinda fucked at mortgage payment time on the first of Sept. I'll have the money but it will finish me off. I owe so much, and I have this chunk of money given to me and all I did was waste it.

I can't spend like I used to be able to and I think I just have a problem. I can't go shopping anymore. I can't just go for fun because I'll want to buy things.

THEN I spent money on cabs and drinking last night and regret everything.

I regret offering to be the cheering squad for a friend/not so sure he's a friend anymore. I just don't want to see him, I feel strangely dirty and disappointed.

I regret spending that money, and I regret yesterday. I am so pissed at myself for reverting to old behaviours that I thought I was done with and I fooled myself into thinking I needed something I didn't.

I'm just an idiot, and I'm hung over and I'm certain to be depressed for the next couple of days now.

I want to crawl into a hole and disappear. I want yesterday to disappear. :(