I made it to 560,000 points in Text Twist on yahoo games. And I fell to GARLIC. Can you believe that?

That sucks. But 560,000 is pretty damned good. I'm so smart...

S-M-R-T

Thatz me.

Someone on another floor is cooking something that smells a bit like dim sum, which I LOVE. And it's making me hungry while I wait for Anju to call me so we can go for a bike ride to breakfast at Bon's. What's taking so damned long?

My grandmother had another mini stuttering episode yesterday, the kind where she can't speak properly because the blood isn't getting to her brain right. The first time she had those, she ended up having a series of small strokes. I guess she gets that way when she's tired and things, and it's really scary and upsetting. I called her to check up on her, and I worry, and she didn't answer. She called back and I was out, and the voice mail she left me was jittery and upsetting, but she said she was fine.

God. I don't know. I know she's 84, and that humans die, I just want reality to suspend regarding her. And everyone else I love, for that matter.

In my one big long-term relationship, I often felt the fear and panic of "what if he dies today?". It's a silly thing to stress about. Sure, be conscious of it, and make sure you appreciate someone every moment you have with them, but it's not necessary to live in fear of the inevitable. I just tried to imagine how I would cope, and I couldn't.

He died in another way, with me, by up and deciding over the course of one week that after 3 years he didn't want a girlfriend anymore. He later regretted it, but I wasn't ready to forgive him, and he moved on rapidly after that. There's that 'I'm unbearable' feeling again.

I just didn't want to go through it. And I don't want to with my grandmother, and for that matter, when my mother gets old too, it's a scary place.

I have no issue with my own death, that's coming, and I'm fine with it. It's other people's deaths that scare me.

Hey you guys? Don't die please...