But there are moments when I know that's not the case. Moments when I see couples happy and smooching or cuddling or whatever and I think "it's not fair, you fucking people, why do you deserve that happiness and I don't?"

That's awful. How dare I begrudge someone else they're happiness?

I guess I'm just still angry about all the failures. All the attempts at happiness with people I thought were the right ones and they turned out not to be. They turned out to be the right ones for someone else. And I begrudged them theirs too. Why is it that those girls deserved this happiness with the people I loved, and not me? What have I done wrong all this time?

Anyway, I'm just sad and lonely this evening, as is the case so often these days. Another hour, another hour in life, and that's all it is.