My friend asked me to come to toonie tuesday at the lounge and I balked. The Christmas party on Sunday night knocked me on my ass as it was. But I went. For ONE drink. Ok two. Ok three. Well, alright, four. What? Five? Ok. Half a pill of e? Sure.

So I ended up extremely high on a drug that I haven't taken in over four years. Wow. I will admit, it was fun. It was. I felt lovely. It was all lovin, no speed, as I prefer. Speed is sketchy, see. Not like mdma. HA. whatever. I killed off a few braincells and fucked up my serotonin so I can expect to be rather sad in the next few days.

I came home at 3:30 in the morning and leapt on my roommate "get up get up get up and keep me company I'm all messed up and funny". Have I mentioned that I am so terribly, painfully fond of him?

So he did keep me company for about half an hour, as difficult as it was, then he went back to bed. So I listened to my walkman in bed all loud and was probably singing along, maybe not.

Today I'm tired. I feel ok, I don't feel fucked up, I don't feel like I was out of my gourd last night. It'll catch up, I'm sure.

Instead, I'm going for coffee with the Director tonight. It sucks to know that he's such a good man, and at the same time know that he doesn't want a relationship with me, and I don't think I want one with him either, yet we're both so physically attracted to each other it's ridiculous.

I wish things were simple. But nothing is simple with me because I am not a simple person. I suppose I can't expect to act and live like a fish when I'm really a cheetah.