I have recently heard again the phrase "patron saint of mediocrity". I feel like that is me.

It was compounded, exacerbated, whatever word you want to use, by attending the Sarah McLachlan concert tonight. She is so talented, and has worked so hard and really just FEELS her music when she sings.

I feel so lame. I feel like I can do everything, and I can. I can do almost anything you put in front of me. And yes, that in itself is a skill, but being a generalist as I am, you don't become exceptional at anything.

I'm an ok writer. I'm an ok singer. I'm a decent, pretty good actor. These are things that I don't want to be ok at. Or pretty good at, or decent. I want to be amazing. I want to be brilliant. I want to inspire emotion in people so strong they can't contain it, simply with my words, music and performance. But I'm not sure I can. I'm not sure I delve far enough, deep enough.

I don't know. I just feel very average today. Like yeah I can do all sorts of things, but who really cares if I don't do it in a manner that makes it worth doing?

Meh.

Also, clapping. What a strange strange thing to do! Banging our hands together to make some noise in praise of something else. It's just weird. Next time you're clapping, really think about how weird it actually is.

I think I'm slowly going crazy.