I think my friend's husband's brother, who has been involved with the same girlfriend for about five or so years, has a small crush on me. He just gets giddier around me. It's weird. He likes to touch me, all shoulder rubs and comments about my tiny tiny feet.

Same old story - involved men like me because it's safe to, for them.

I'm debating the great debate: Do I buy an iPod? I'm thinking just a little shuffle because it's not a hard drive and running with it won't make it weird. Or I can just keep using my little crap one. It does the trick just fine. Am I just frivolous? Yes.

It's a beautiful day. The kind that's cool - 11 degrees - and sunny, with fluffy clouds against a sky the colour of my webpage. There are a few grey streaks through the fluffy whites, and this morning, when the sun rose, they were tinged with morning yellow. I should be outside. Breathing this clear fall air before it becomes winter rains and slush. The leaves are all falling and I need to hear them crunch before they become mush. This is yet another experience I wish to enjoy with someone else who appreciates it as much as I do.

This is terrible, I must appear so desperate to the outside world.

I'm going to make coffee. One cup.

Oh and please don't misunderstand. While my friend was telling me about her daughter I wasn't sitting there thinking about myself. It was a fleeting moment where I became aware of motherhood in action, that's all.

Ok I'm venturing out of the home-pod. Air is important. I work tonight, and the Gaffer is supposed to call me about a party. But I have the feeling he'll forget, or not call me. I saw him Tuesday, he said he'd call me on Wednesday, and I haven't heard from him since. There's a big tip off there that even my friendship isn't important to him, no matter what he says.

Actions speak louder, people, actions speak louder.

*Modest Mouse