Does it happen? Or is there always some kind of compromise? One loves the other more than the other loves one?

Anyway. YT is pretty much over with, which was inevitable. We couldn't communicate whatsoever. He would say something and I would say, "huh?" and vice versa. So instead of talking we touched, and it was better than opening mouths. We communicated physically better than anyone else could communicate verbally. So that was nice, but I guess it gets old.

So why am I bummed? Because once again, I held on to something that should have been let go ages ago. I thought, well, I enjoy this, so I'm going to keep doing it. But of course, he'll reach a point when he can no longer stand to be pushed away, and will want to go elsewhere.

Fair enough.

And in the meantime, my past keeps bloody-well phoning me. Wanting me to look after his and his wife's car. The same car that I used to drive, back in the day. The one that he almost lent me indefinitely if I paid the insurance. Tiny T. It used to be kinda my car. Now it's their car, and for some reason, because I was polite to him at a birthday party, we're in some kind of position where I car-sit for him and his wife?

No. nonononononono. Do not misunderstand my civility. I do it because I love our mutual friends and because I have social grace. The level of inappropriateness is HUGE. Don't touch my feet. Don't rub my arm or put your hand on my lower back. Your wife took a great risk marrying you, don't insult her and her decision. You may say there's nothing in your touches and strange desire to continue contact, and there probably isn't anything other than your need to relieve yourself of guilt, but nevertheless, she cringes. It makes her feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel uncomfortable. No one feels good from these things, so don't do them. And do not call me.

I am not your friend.

Meanwhile, the homework piles up, I eat out of boredom and desire to fill a hole, and I'm trying Drysol to keep from sweating through my clothes. It's itchy.

I'm looking for Trouble. Have you seen him?